


Like Real People Do

by rody241



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Stupidity, Canon-Typical Violence, Corpses, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Religion, Religious Discussion, Slightly - Freeform, Slow Burn, Swearing, Vampires, cuz its vampires, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:48:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24154582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rody241/pseuds/rody241
Summary: After a certain half-orc vampire accidentally breaks into the Blooming Grove, Caduceus decides to strike a deal with him. But when an old and powerful vampire lord sends his forces after his recent convert, the two of them realize that they may have their work cut out for them.(Here's a vampire AU based on a piece I did for fjorclay week!)
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39





	Like Real People Do

The graveyard was never truly silent, even at night. Despite the fact that the crumbling, ivy-covered temple was empty, save for the lonely firbolg that would tend to the plant life and graves, there was still a fair amount of noise echoing around the willow grove. There was a family of crows that had made a nest in one of the gnarled trees that would often caw at each other late into the evening, and the gaze of raccoons Caduceus had a bad habit of feeding would show up at odd hours to harass him for more food scraps. Sometimes an owl, possum, stray cat, or other little creature would wander into the temple, Caduceus liked to think that these were a blessing from Melora to ease some of the pain of isolation. Perhaps that’s true.

The monsoon season had quieted the usual chorus of wildlife, save for the lone frog that would sit on the porch with Caduceus and watch the rain. He didn’t mind, though. The lack of noise gave him the space to think while he tended to the gravesites. The rain that night had been relentless, though, leaving him alone with the new body he was to bury. He had found them near the side of the road earlier that day, a half-elf whose death had clearly not been peaceful. Since he couldn’t find anything that would identify them, he’d brought them home to give them a proper burial.

“This is a pretty nice spot, don’t you think?” He said to the corpse while he tried to dig through the muddy earth. The area he picked was usually free of rocks and roots, but the downpour had made it difficult, requiring nearly twice the work to shovel through. His shoulders and wrists ached as though he had been digging for hours, and the skin on his palms was becoming red and chafed.

“I hope you don’t mind. I’m sorry you didn’t get to have a say in all of this,” Caduceus sighed and set his shovel down, brushing some hair out of his face. Unfortunately, the mud was too watery and his attempts at trying to get deep enough in the earth to bury the body were futile at best. He’d have to wait until the rain cleared before he could try digging the grave again. Caduceus pulled himself to his feet, wincing as his bad knee protested, and gently carried the wrapped corpse back into the temple with him.

The inside of the temple was cold and dark, the only noise coming from the tiny but incessant leak in the roof and his footsteps echoing across the stone floors. The last embers from the fire he set had died out a while ago, but he knew the temple like the back of his hand, masterfully weaving around mossy altars and rickety cabinets so as not to accidentally knock anything over with the cadaver he was holding. Lightly kicking the door to the sanctum open with his foot, he entered, the embalming tools and ritual oils he had used to prepare the body earlier still set out and open, filling the room with a sharp, herbal smell. Caduceus set the body down on a table and goes to light the candles sitting along the windowsill. He grabbed two coppers and a pinch of salt, and made his way back over to the corpse and began to cast, reciting a prayer and watching as the stiffened body relaxed as though it had only died moments ago.

“Hopefully the rain will ease up in the next day or so,” He said as he rinsed his hands in the nearby basin.

“Don’t go anywhere until then, alright?” He chuckled softly at his own terrible joke and left, closing the door behind him.

Hanging up his cloak by the main entrance and setting his boots aside, he sighed. Despite years of burials and rituals it still wasn’t a happy endeavor for him, especially now that he had to do all of the work alone. He padded into his bedroom, his clothes soaked all the way through and leaving a trail of water droplets behind him. The pain in his knee had gotten more persistent, turning from dull to a throbbing ache. Ignoring it as best as he could, he prepared for bed, pulling on a nightgown and tying his hair back in a sloppy braid. After doing a quick prayer to the Wildmother, lighting a stick of fragrant incense and murmuring thanks, he flopped down onto his bed and rubbed his face with his hand. 

He had stopped counting the seasons he’d been alone a while ago, but his solitude still hung over him like a cloud. His hair had faded from its usual vibrant pink to a duller grey and had gotten stringy and brittle, his face and body becoming thin and gaunt over the years. Even his usual mundane chores seemed to take more effort each day. Not to mention that being a graveyard near Shadycreek Run meant a fair number of grave robbers and burglars would flock to the Blooming Grove hoping to find valuables. He could handle them without trouble, but it seemed like there were more than usual as of late.

Caduceus shivered as a particularly cold gust of wind pushed against his window pane and into the room. He pulled the worn blankets over himself and closed his eyes, letting himself be lulled to sleep by the sounds of the rain outside, his own quiet breathing and-

The sudden slamming of a door caught his attention in the midst of his sleepy haze, making him bolt upright and grab his staff from where it sat next to the nightstand. He waited a moment, and nearly resigned to blame it on the harsh winds outside. The shattering of something ceramic made him stand, grumbling in annoyance as he made his way towards the sound of the crash.

_ ‘Most likely a squirrel or something.’ _ Caduceus tried to convince himself.

_ ‘Possibly a very large bat. Or maybe Frumpkin got in again.’ _

The door to the sanctum was wide open, which he furrowed his brow at. Setting the crystal on his staff aglow with a quick incantation and gesture, he peered inside the chamber. The light didn’t reveal anything immediately, but there was a wet noise like meat being ground and the sound of someone breathing heavily that let him know something was definitely wrong.

He stepped inside and closed the door quietly so as not to startle whatever was in the room. Cautiously, he shone his staff a little brighter and pointed it towards the table where the half-elf’s body was. Should have been. But the table was empty, which made the alarm bells in his head ring even louder. The sounds stopped abruptly, though the breathing continued. Shit. Caduceus quietly began to cast as he planned to stop the intruder, his hand held at the ready and crackling with arcane power, taking a few steps forward and shining the light down towards the floor.

What he saw was… unpleasant, to say the least. He had spent his whole life in a graveyard and had seen a number of corpses, some of which had died from illness or age, some of which had died in clearly violent ways. He wasn’t very put off at the sight of blood or injury at this point, but this  _ definitely _ took the cake for one of the most gruesome things he’d seen. The corpse he had prepared for burial, cleaned and neatly wrapped in a linen sheet, now looked as though it had been mauled by a large animal. Blood had soaked through the protective fabrics and now covered the floor of the sanctum. The copper pieces from his earlier spell were strewn about the floor and some of the vials of oil were shattered on the counter.

Kneeling over the body was the apparent intruder; a terrified, guilty-looking half-orc whose face and hands were covered in blood and viscera. Save for the mess, he looked like any ordinary half-orc at first glance; emerald green skin with lighter patches, long black hair, a couple scars along his lip and brow, but upon closer inspection he noticed something odd. What stubby tusks he did have looked chipped and dull as though they were deliberately filed down, but what caught Caduceus off-guard the most were his prominent and dangerous-looking fangs, still dripping with blood.

Neither one of the men spoke for a moment, both staring wide-eyed at each other, their arms held mid-action as though they had been frozen.

“Um—” Caduceus started.

“I-I… um… I’m sorry about the mess…?” The half-orc said, his voice quiet and thick as though he were close to crying.

“ _ That’s _ what you’re apologizing for?” Caduceus laughed humorlessly, gesturing towards the body on the floor. “Nothing to say about all that?”

“I… ah, I’m sorry about… I-I didn’t mean to… oh god.” The other man whispered, looking down at his hands.

“That’s… a lot of blood… I… fuck…” He looked sick, whether from the sight of the blood or with what he had done, Caduceus couldn’t tell.

“I mean, that’s what happens when you bite someone’s jugular. They bleed. A lot.” The firbolg replied. “You wanna explain all this?”

The intruder looked back up at Caduceus, his eyes shone with fear and grief, and he couldn’t help but feel a pang of sympathy for him.

“I don’t- I… Are you going to kill me…?” His voice pitched up slightly and his bloody hands trembled. Caduceus frowned.

“Maybe,” He said, “Probably not, though. I try to avoid killing people as often as I can.” He dropped the spell he had prepared. The half-orc let out a shaky sigh of relief, lowering his hands slightly.

“Look, I… I promise, I’ll leave and I won’t come back… a-and I really didn’t mean to do all of this, I just… lost control a little and I wasn’t… I couldn’t….” He babbled, gripping his arms tightly. Caduceus’s frown deepened. The other man’s distress seemed genuine as far as he could tell, and unfortunately he felt kind of bad for him. He sighed, silently cursing his empathetic nature.

“Do you live nearby?” He interrupted. The half orc stopped, furrowing his brow slightly.

“Um… n-no…”

“Alright. I’m gonna make you a deal then,” Caduceus lowered his staff.

“You’re gonna clean up this whole mess, including yourself, and then explain what the hell happened. You’re also gonna help me bury the body once the rain stops, considering that you’ve kind of torn it to shreds.” 

The half-orc nods. “That… sounds reasonable…”

“Thank you, I’m told I can be quite agreeable when I want to be.” Caduceus chuckles. “But yeah, help me with all of that and I’ll consider you forgiven.” The blood-soaked man stands up quickly, a little shaky as he sticks out his hand.

“Y-yeah that definitely… that definitely works. Thank you. Yeah. It’s a deal.” Caduceus grasped his hand and shook it, only to let go a second later when he remembered that it was covered in blood.

“Oh, um.. shit, sorry…” The half-orc grimaced, pulling his hand back and wiping it on his thigh.

“It’s no big deal, I’ve touched way worse.” Caduceus shrugs. “I’ll go get a mop and a bucket for you, wait here.” The bloody man nods, glancing at the body on the floor again and wincing. Caduceus sighs quietly and leaves, struggling to pull his thoughts together. As he passes by an altar, he pauses, glancing at the small stone effigy laid amongst the drying flowers and half-melted candles.

“Oh Wildmother, what on earth have I gotten myself into now?” He mutters. A slight breeze blows through the temple, tugging the hem of his nightgown back towards the sanctum. The firbolg shakes his head gently.

“Whatever you say, I suppose.”

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything in a while so feedback is appreciated! I'll try and update weekly! Please let me know if I need to change the tags or rating, I'm trying to avoid being too graphic.


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